Friday, April 3, 2009

Always a twist to bring a smile

Today started off horrible. I woke up and I really did not feel well...that has been happening lately and I have had cramps. Not just little cramps...full blown menstrual cramps..and my period is not do. I usually only have cramps the day before and during my period. Don't ask me, haha; my body always plays games with me.

My morning just kept getting worse. I dropped everything I picked up. I was running late for class and then as I was getting ready to step out the door I leaned over to pick something up and a river of water started pouring out of my coffee mug. Stupid me did not check to see if it was closed!

I thought my day was destined to be a bad one. The rain was pouring and things just did not seem like they would look up. Then I opened my bright green umbrella and there is just something about that umbrella that makes you smile on a rainy April day. I realized that I needed to think positively and look around me at the beauty of a good spring rain. The Earth was thirsty, the creatures needed to bath, the grass needed revitalized. It was wonderful, absolutely wonderful. I looked down at my feet and there were millions upon millions of squirming worms. I have never seen so many worms in my life. Everyone I told was grossed out by the worms and I just laughed it off and said "yeah, they are kind of gross," but, inside I loved the worms. It was such a beautiful representation of spring and new life. I thought they were beautiful.

During the rest of the day things seemed to brighten up. There were only four people, including me, in my math class and on Fridays I don't have history so it was wonderful to get to go home an hour and fifteen minutes early. I came home and decided to read some blogs and so many were so beautiful and inspiring. I cried and cried over one blog that I stumbled upon. The lady lost her beautiful baby boy but, her blog was inspiring. She was so strong in her faith and despite her sorrows she never stopped loving her son or gave up on God. Reading others blogs really helps me heal up the parts of me that are still so broken from my rape. God shines through and calls me in through others and not only through reading and relating to others sorrow, that I wish they never had to feel, but through their happiness as well. God is amazing.

I am going to be lonely tomorrow. Kevin is working all day and then I work at three to seven when he gets off work. It is going to be a hard day for me especially since it is Saturday and I feel that is our day to really spend time together. I never used to be this way, I never used to need to be with anybody but, after everything happened...I just changed. I just can't stand being without him. Maybe I am scared of being alone. It will be okay though. I do know that. I will study and do my work, make brownies for my parents house on Sunday. I will work on myself a bit, really delve into my spirit and who I am. Love myself. I hope you all will too. I hope everyone takes a minute to realize how truly special, unique, and wonderful they are all thanks to God. Even when you feel down, even when you sin, even when you are living a lie...just take a minute to realize what God gives to you everyday and hopefully He will give you a smile and a little bit of hope.

Have a good night and day! : )


  1. Hi from Australia

    What a lovely and honest blog.

    I was raped at 18 - and I know how hard it is to get over, to trust again.

    I haven't had an eating disorder but I have a mental illness which is coming up again as my cat is sick and may have cancer.

    I, too, have faith in God and the knowledge that He loves me keeps me going, even when it is tough. I find it hard, though, to trust. To trust God, to trust others, even to trust myself.

    Thankfully there are many positives. I have a lovely church, many friends and am enjoying my studies.

    May you have a wonderful year.

    God Bless


  2. Sara, thank you for sharing your blog. I am sorry you are missing Kevin now! God is also my strength, especially during hard times. If it was not for Him, I do not know where I will be.
    Again, thank you for sharing your heart. Blessings!


by Elain Gates