Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Finally Breathing

I am so excited to start a blog that I really want to write on whether anyone reads it or not however, it is my hope that many people out there do read it and that they may be inspired by some of my words and findings. Recently I was having a very hard time dealing with all the stress of college, cleaning up our apartment, dealing with my feelings after that began rushing in when some memories were retrieved about my R*pe, and just life in general. I posted a blog on here and was determined not to delete it, but nobody responded so I assumed nobody in the world felt like I did. Then I began searching for other people like me and I found a great website called www.aftersilence.org which is a site to help survivors and secondary survivors of rape. It is been a wonderful experience to talk to other people, despite the reason that we are all there, that understand where you are coming from.

Today I am super hungry and thirsty because I can't have anything to eat or drink until after my procedure. I am getting an EGD (i think that is right) which should be quite interesting. I will be asleep but I am very curious if when I wake up I will be able to tell that they stuck something down my throat into my belly to look around. My procedure is at 1:15 which means no lunch either and you would think after having being anorexic for seven years you would really be okay with not eating, but man once you are on the mend and you are used to eating again it is terrible to go without food! I can't wait until it is done so I can eat something and have a drink!

There are also some other really exciting things going on dealing with my relationship : ) which I can't post until things are official, but I am very very excited I will tell you that much! There is also another thing going on that I can't post the details about, but I am hoping and praying that everything works out and either way I just want to know because I don't want to have to hold on to the disappointment if not!

Post later about the procedure! I am praying for everyone! Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers as well!

by Elain Gates